The Path

by Uli on Transformation Inventory

Your Desire is Your Destiny or “Doing is The New Thinking”

Follow your desire. Follow your destiny. These thoughts entered my mind a couple of days ago…

Your Desire is Your Destiny.

There is a thing about “knowing what I want” that I always underestimated.

Recently I had been studying the hermetic teachings deeply – if there is such thing as studying hermetic teachings.

I did not grasp the power of “mentalism” through the lecture itself, but by connecting the dots of my own life experience.

We can read as much as we want and still be reluctant to the fundamental truths that direct our life.

So: There is a thing about “knowing what I want” – a thing I would call magic:

The secret is not knowing what I want. The secret is acting upon it. Step by step by step….

What is action? In a few words: It is guided energy.

I can know everything, still my life won’t change.

I can understand all the rules of the universe and not change a thing in my life… if I don’t make a move.

Learning more about energy, I am understanding more and more that I am the one directing my life by directing the energy that I use with every single step that I take.

I can always ask myself: What makes me take that action? Do I really want this?!

It is shocking, but I ALWAYS have a choice.

This is nothing really new…

”Your thoughts create your reality”

I’ve been working with this universal truth for quite some time. Nevertheless only now I grasp the full scope of it.

I’ve experienced it first hand by manifesting things I wanted and things I clearly did not want in my life. In any case my actions directed the energy in a certain way that manifested this reality.

“The part of you that loves you the most creates the roadblocks that you are facing to make you build something out of it,” Gabor Maté placed this beautiful reminder on my path.

This quote helped me to forgive myself for all the supposedly detours that I took. Everything we do in our lives serves us in one way or another to fulfill a certain need. When we are traumatized we might hold on to any straw, but hell yeah, we survived!

The task is to figure out what these needs truely are and respond to them in a healthy or constructive way.

I am always directing my life. I am making decisions.

Healing is one decision away and so is success.

To quote Bob Proctor freely here: “…success is not about reaching a goal. It is continuous movement in the direction of a specific goal by making one decision after another…”

It is not about the milestones reached.

It is not about the number of fallbacks counted.

It is about the continuous flow of energy moved in a certain direction.

I am the one who chooses to accept, to learn, to surrender to what is….

I am the one who is transforming this life…. energy from one aggregate state to another.

I am transmuting emotional conditionings.
I am releasing trauma from my system.
I am transforming energy.

What I witness is that things manifest in no time. We are enabled to take action now.

This is the new new age stuff…

The days of thinking are over.

Doing is the new thinking.

 
by Uli on Transformation Inventory

Inspiration Daily

I just had a moment that invigorated my spirit. It is tiny, still I feel the urge to express it.

I just came back from the farmers market with a bag full of vegetables.
When I entered the house I became aware of my warm feet. I noticed a subtle excitement in my chest. My heart emanated love: I was happy!

All of a sudden I felt a sense of connection – a warmth expanded across my whole abdominal area, around my hips and my lower back, up my spine to my throat…

The joy of being alive lifted my whole being.

Over the past couple of days I wanted to write….

I wanted to put in words what I had experienced during the yoga retreat I attended last week.

I can not find the words yet. Maybe it is not important to find them, because there is nothing to say.

There is a lot of resistance present within myself. The pressure of becoming the perfect human…

The tenacious desire to clear myself, to find relief from all the humanness….

This morning reminded me of “the divine”.

The ever present appreciation in everything.

Every moment is here to remind us of our connection to source.

Every moment is perfect – and so am I.

And this is “the way”: finding awareness in the tiniest daily action, recognizing the divine in everything – even in the beetroot and in the soles of my feet…

 
by Uli on Transformation Inventory

Understanding The Patterns

Oftentimes we are so absorbed in our own story.
We claim our suffering to be so unique to us.

It’s not.

It’s historical suffering.

“First you have to understand that your are dreaming all the time,” I don’t remember the full quote of Don Miguel Ruiz, author of “The Four Agreements”.

But this snippet of wisdom captures it so well.

What we think is reality, is a creation of our thougths. Fully.

When you think about your past and your future? What are you thinking about?

You are thinking thoughts that are conditioned by your upbringing, by the media, by the story you have been told about what is possible and what is not possible…

You are retelling yourself the same story over and over again until you belief that this is reality.

If you’d drop these thougths, what would be possible?

Oh my god, there is soooooo much revelation taking place right now.

I know that you are experiencing the similar.

It is the removal of the roadblocks.

For some of us it is a painful removal. Like a surgical intervention.

For some it is smooth – the most natural process. Like the opening of a flower.

One has to deal with freedom. It can be painful to let go of the patterns.

Painful to understand that all the turmoil was created in your head in the fist place.

The anger and frustration is what comes up. But then there is the relief. Laughter. The dance of joy!

You freakin’ did it!!!

And yes, it was that simple.

Nevertheless there is no reason to shame yourself.

You had to live through it all in order to become aware of the lessons.

What is happeing to me?

I’m becoming aware of the lightness I am built of.
All density is created.
All trauma is imposed – partly self-imposed.

I am able to forgive myself and everyone around me.
Because we are all the result of our circumstances. And we are all lovable with everything we are.

There is no one to blame.
So I take action whole-heartedly.

I stand up. I stand in my power for once and for all. With you.

 
by Uli on Rough Diamonds, Transformation Inventory

The Magic of No Expectation

Drop your expectations completely.
This is how everything resolves.
No strings attached.
There is nothing to expect.
No outcome is ever the same.
Expect absolutely nothing.

Oh my god I found the key to everything. How could I not understand this all the way?

I am LOADED with expectation.
Expectation of how I should feel.
Expectation of how I ought to react.
Expectation of what I am about to make sense of…

The solution is to let it all go.
To enter into a state of meditation in every single moment of my life with every single cell of my body.

I let the appreciation flow through me and connect the dots of being alive.

My cells, my lungs, my body. The air. Nutrients. All of it belongs to me like I belong to this earth.

Nothing’s hard without expectation.

 
by Uli on Transformation Inventory

Collective Purging

Today is a day of insights, a morning of stream of consciousness.

It is one of those moments when I understand that I am not doing it for me. I am not walking the path for the sake of walking it. I am not even sure if I am walking it.

I am experiencing transformation because my life experience is crucial for the life experience of everyone around me – everyone I influence with my being.

What I am talking about here is not my professional influence or what I am saying or not saying within my social relations. It is not about my writing, because this is what I am doing for myself.

It is about how I show up energetically (or not).

Recently there seems to be a challenging time for a lot of us.

I can feel the collective purge – the RELEASE of “old” emotions or life experience.

I witness it first hand by witnessing the processes of my friends.

The unbearable breaks open.

What was closing off is what is causing the opening – of “the path” and of the heart…

New beginnings appear on the horizon. Out of nowhere.

And what is beyond the horizon is unknown.

And that is where we want to go:

There is this big big big misconception around the spiritual path.

There seems to be some sort of cultural narrative (maybe it is within my perception because I am part of the narrative, which makes it even more pressuring to share this thought as unfiltered as possible.)

The narrative is being told on social media platforms. The images shown are flawless. The spiritual path seems to be paved with beauty. It appears to be a chronological process – and incorporation of THE beauty.

But guess what?

THIS IS NOT THE PATH.

The path is beauty, yes.

But “the way” is hard.

Yes, there are the souls that are awake. They are born into awake beings.

But, we, us, the ones who are reading this (I reckon’) are the ones who have to eat the sh*t.

We have to plough that dirt – the most nourishing ground that we have. Our beautiful ugly life experience, our suffering that is us.

It is within us.
It’s our feelings, our wrong-doings, our mistakes, our painfully covered truth that’s sooo crooked. It hurts.

The old skin that wants to be shed but it is so “intergrown” with our lives, entangled with our conditionings.
There is one thing I am more certain than ever: There is no way around it. The untangling is what will release a ton of energy. We know it deep down inside (not as far down as we think).

Our imagination can help us to give the push, but we have to make the move and trust.

The thing about that is: There is no reason not to trust.

This reminds me of a quote I read in a philosophy magazine called “Hohe Luft”: “Being satisfied with life can be an act of rebellion in times where thriving to be the best version of ourselves became the way of being.”

To trust is also an act of rebellion in times where deterioration is everything that is being broadcasted.

And the counter movement? Is BLINDFOLING our true feelings – burrying the truth….

The thing is: We don’t need a movement. All we need is to trust in our own abilities. And with abilities I mean the gifts that we have inherited, our DNA that is allowing us to receive information and process information within our physical body.

YES, our truth IS our feelings.

Trust exists independently from what is going on in the external.

Truth is subsisting. It is us.

Yes, I am saying: “TRUST! NO MATTER WHAT!”

Trust – whatever feeling arises.
Trust – no matter which decision is “the right” decision.
Trust – in your sadness, in your despair, in your anger, even – in your addiction or let’s say in “your awareness of your addiction”.

TRANSFORM IT BY BEING IT. LIVE THROUGH IT. This is how you overcome it.

It is so simple that I would like to scream it from the top of my lungs.

I invite trust.

I invite you to purge all of your emotions, to go all in, to feel it all and move on. You will see the next step. Help will appear out of nowhere.

You are never alone.

 
by Uli on Rough Diamonds

Riding The Wave

Sometimes you have to ride the wave.
Sometimes you have to plough the dirt.
Sometimes you have to dust off the ashes.

Friction is what prescribes the trajectory.
Resistance is what makes you grow.

Go ahead and rise.

 
by Uli on Transformation Inventory

“The Why” is Not The Holy Grail

“You got to become your own person before you can do your job on this earth.“

I don’t remember the exact words of Maor, someone I met briefly at a goodbye party of a friend of mine in Hamburg in 2018.

“Hm.”

Or something like that could have been my response. To be honest, I don’t remember if I countered anything. But I do remember that I was desperate. I was desperately searching and looking. I was desperate for adventure, for feeling feelings, for feeling something.

I was craving life. I was terrified of never finding what I was looking for – without knowing what I was looking for.

I was collecting memories and acquaintances – but did I know myself?

In the meantime I numbed myself. I filled the void inside of myself with all sorts of things. (substances, pleasure, party,….), but I had no clue what was really going on within myself…

This ‘unclarity’ crumbled away over time – like a crust of mud.

What I have learnt is that the mud has to dry first. The dust has to settle. And then the path clears eventually. The seeds can spring and the blossoms bloom…

I have been stirring up mud for quite a while. And I am pretty sure that I will keep stirring up mud. It is part of the journey (my journey) – to experience it all.

There is this big Why roaming around in the spheres around “personal development” – and yes knowing the why can be quite helpful.

Especially the “Why do I feel like shit most of the time?” over the “Why am I getting up in the morning?”

I did not want to question my feelings. Why? (Haha) Firstly: Because I didn’t even know this could be a good question to ask?! Secondly: I didn’t want to admit to myself in which areas of my life I had “lost it” or I supposedly “failed”.

“Find your why” – this has become an ever-lasting quest for a lot of people.

The realizations that I am sharing here with you stem solely from my personal experience. There is a huge probability that this self-development thing works different for you. Nevertheless I feel the urge to share this:

What I found out is that “the WHY” is not the holy grail… healing is!

What do I mean by that?

In 2015, when I was made redundant from my first work-contract, I was feeling the call too – the call that I translated into: “Find your why!”.

Over the years I have met a lot of people who put a mirror right in front of my face:

“You are lost.”
“You are the universe.”
“You have to prioritize yourself.”
“You need to find yourself first before you can make a difference in this world”

(Wo),man, I had no clue what this was all about.

Well, not no clue, but I was not able to deduce any action from all the mirroring I had (involuntarily) received from the outside-world.

Now I still don’t have a full picture, but I came to the understanding that I don’t need to have a full picture. I will never comprehend it all. This life is freakin’ unpredictable and I better embrace the unknown!

What is predictable is one universal truth: “Things WILL change” (I wrote about change many times in this blog. Actually every post is about change.)

And they did…. in my life over and over and over again. And I am more and more able to EMBRACE the unknown.

I was – and I still am lost – to some extent. But more and more this feeling of being lost transmutes into a state of floating (for some reason this is the word that emerged).

And I tell you: My mind is intervening – all the fucking time. Letting go is a permanent practice.

Thoughts, thinking patterns, limiting beliefs – they come back in circles, in arrays, in fractals, in seasons… (You choose which image works for you).

So. I faced a lot of (uncomfortable) truths about:

  • My conditionings and where they are coming from
  • To what extent I am influenced by toxic energies in my life.
  • Where I am not taking responsibility for my own life.
  • Codependency.
  • Addiction.
  • Rage.
  • Fear.
  • Grief.

The list is long….

What I have learnt over the years is that “the WHY” is slowly sneaking in.

I am growing into my why….

Our Wounds Are Our Gifts

First things ARE first: If I close my eyes from the areas where my body and my being demands healing, I will not find any useful “why”. The “why” will be a sugarcoated lie that I keep telling myself until I collapse.

Well, I do want to be radical here. First of all I have to define what I mean by healing.

Healing is the process of becoming whole again.

This is not really correct. We are already whole to be accurate. Healing is more a “fixing of the holes”, removing the dirt, dropping the unnecessary baggage, standing up on our own feet…

The healing process is sometimes a refurbishing, sometimes it is a surgery, sometimes it’s a sudden removal or a complete turn-over.

We are thrown into situations that tear us apart.

This is part of the human experience. These situations are here to teach us….

If we are torn apart the first step we need to take is to find the pieces that belong to us. The next step is to put them back together.

As long as I am putting myself together – this is my “why”. My healing is my “why”.

I don’t say you have to wait until you are fully healed until you are finally able to share your work.

The opposite is the case.
There is beauty in all of our messy healing procedures.

And there are people who benefit.
There are people who will embrace your experience.
There are people who will love to hear your story. This is what humanity always did – listening to stories and learning from them.

I am not cheesy here, this is what it is – and always used to be.

There are people out there whose healing depends on your healing.

The work that you put in matters.

Nothing you do is self-sufficient.

You will show-up in a way that is beneficial for others. Sometimes it’s only one person in the room. Sometimes it’s an audience of a million…..

So, you don’t know your why?

Don’t worry about it. Rest. Heal. Your time will come.

Healing is expansion.
Healing is the arrival in the present moment.
Healing is union with yourself.
Healing is completion.
Healing is meeting yourself where you are at.

Healing is doing one step at a time. Patiently.

“The why” can become a trap if you don’t take the time to really acknowledge where you are at right now.

And I tell you, I have been there. I am still rushing. I am still wondering very frequently: How do I set boundaries? How do I know what I want? How do I know that I am still on the path?

Then I remember to walk hand in hand with my heart.
This is what the hard times do to me.

There is this potential or let’s say a potential for potential stored within ourselves. This little seed that is resting there somewhere in our subconscious or in our brain.

When you heal you are able to reveal what wants to be revealed. And this is how you follow your purpose.

The hard times force us to walk hand in hand with our heart.

Let’s shed our old skin. Let’s forgive and heal.