I’m broken open.
I’m shaken loose.
I’m messed up.
I’m swirled around like an antidote.
Challenge
Allow Abundance
Do you allow abundance or are you resisting the flow of life?
I’m sitting at a hotel close to Delhi Airport. A five months journey of full-on transformation is coming to an end. Mainly it was a journey to myself. As most of you know, I’m not travelling in order to explore places but to discover my inner landscapes.
On this trip, more than ever before, I was able to witness my own transformation.
India broke me open. It loosened the tight bits. It shook the rigids of my being.
Never have I felt so fluid. Never have I felt so full of excitement facing the challenges ahead.
Mainly because I understood that everything I’m ever experiencing is a creation of my own mind. So why would it be scary?
I am not in control. Clearly.
Life is in control and it is moving through me. This abundance of power can be unnerving at times, because it rattles the human condition.
Many people, including myself, talk about abundance. But honestly, I think there is a huge misconception taking place. One might think, once I am abundant, nothing can scare me anymore. Life will move smoothly.
And it does! Because life doesn’t care about you specifically. She just moves – smoothly in her own terms.
Life goes on with or without you.
Life is abundance and this is what she offers us too. The fun part is: This abundance is already right here.
BUT. And there is the big but: It’s not flowers and unicorns or an enormous amount of money in our bank accounts.
Abundance is change. Abundance is constant flow. We can not expect to experience abundance while fearing the consequences of change.
Change and transformation is inherently scary for the human mind – and so is abundance, if we really look at it with all honesty. This is what abundance is: It is change. And we do fear the change that abundance brings us…
What happens if the mind looses grip?
What happens if, suddenly, something else leads the way?
Call it heart. Call it heart-mind. Call it wisdom – the only truth there is.
Cause and effect. Constant movement. The abundance of life requires steady opening – constant destruction in one form or another…
It is the destruction of the old and an immediate creation of the new which leads to another destruction in every moment.
Abundance is powerful and it forcefully destructs the old – if you are ready or not.
From The Streams of (Un)Consciousness
There is so much to say. My synapses are numbed.
Still, I feel the pressure to share.
I want to document, because I can’t know what I’m documenting right here.
I’m trying to hold on to it. Or is it holding on to me? I’m not sure.
What I know for sure is that life is ever changing. And more and more I come to witness my own change. And more and more I accept it. I accept myself in not-knowing and in ever-transforming.
Slowly I’m re-establishing a connection with myself and with the world – mainly by connecting with myself.
I’m coming to understand that I can’t know. Do I find pleasure in not knowing?
Surely not!
What I’ve been coming to terms with is the fact that my mind has a very limited capacity. It knows what it knows and it calls it experience.
But what is experience really?
It is diving into the new of every moment.
Accordingly to cambridge dictionary it’s the process of getting knowledge or skill from doing, seeing or feeling.
So how do we get life experience?
Yes, by doing, seeing and feeling life. Not by gathering information.
Unfortunately this is all that our mind does. It gathers information to a point that makes life unrecognizable.
Life becomes a stencil of what we “know”.
As long as our lives are dictated by mind, this is the only lens we ever see through.
The joke is that we can not know life! Life doesn’t know itself, because it’s a force! It is energy!
There is nothing to know about life, because life energy is ever changing.
And we are that change. We are that life.
Nothing in life is ever as it seems. Because everything in life is constantly moving. Think about it a little longer then 3 seconds! We created concepts and stories that we call culture nowadays.
We create value but our values are rocksolid!
We are stonewalling ourselves, because we are denying the constant flow. The constant uncertainty that is the current of our life.
People, it’s time to wake up!
Shake it loose. Forget what you have learnt. Drop your expectations and let life unfold.
Let it be Hard
“I want it to be easy!” – I’m punching my pillow.
“Let it be hard!” – An internal voice releases my vigor.
Recently I’ve made some tough decisions. And for a moment I fell for the panic, the doubt and the despair…
Until I remembered:
In order to live an exceptional life we get to make exceptional decisions. Decisions no one has ever made before, because no one has ever walked in our shoes…
Decisions that move our life path away from the “crowd”.
It is tough. It brings up fears of rejection, of loss or of poverty.
But you know what?
It’s part of the game!
This is what unleashes the wild self within!
This is what strengthens our resolve!
I want to encourage you:
DO the step you are so scared of but you kept pondering for years.
MOVE where destiny is calling you.
YOU know it. No one else.
No fortune teller can tell you what to do.
Only you are in charge.
And this is not a top-to-bottom advice of some sort.
I encourage myself too with a livin’ prayer. 😉
It’s easy to talk about it.
It is freakin’ hard to WALK it!!
The path no one has walked before.
Your path.
It’s easy to learn a lot of things but actually putting them into action: this is the hard part! Yes. It is hard and it is beautiful.
It’s, without a doubt, the most satisfying thing in the world.
Learning Forward
Say YES to your unfulfillment.
OPEN yourself up.
LEARN forward.
Reversed Resolutions
I’m standing on Donnersbergerbrücke.
It’s the evening haze of a regular weekday in Munich and it dawns on me that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be.
I am not rushing to catch the bus I’m supposed to take.
The sun is painting its last colors on the sky.
I don’t remember the last time I was standing on this bridge.
But what I know is: It is not the same person standing here.
I have changed.
Something inside of me has changed fundamentally.
I felt strangely at home.
At this moment I realize that my shadow is comforting me.
It is my home.
“Just come as you are,” they say.
Okay, here I am.
All of a sudden it is there.
I under-stand.
I take pride in my path.
I own my story.
A rush of gratitude fills my eyes….
I grew from the inside and for the first time I really feel that.
I evolved – FROM the inside.
I have done the work. And now I am standing here.
“What’s next?,” my busy mind wants to ask.
Again, I gaze towards the setting sun….
“What if instead of moving forward, i’d move backwards?,” my busy mind itself countered with an open question.
I can’t sow endless seeds.
Now is the moment that I finally understand that rest is AS important as progress.
Digesting what is instead of preparing a new meal.
Clearing the debris instead of building anew.
Integrating what happened instead of initiating something else.
I can’t sow endless seeds, no, but I can praise the garden that is growing inside of me, in front of me, around me…
I don’t know how I could not get it earlier, but it does not matter.
On a random day, in stillness, I recovered the beauty of my life.
…
For too long I witnessed it within myself and in others…
We are pushing so hard to move forward. We are aiming for one dimensional progress. The thing is that progress is not one dimensional.
It’s expansive.
It’s round and whole.
It’s the yin and the yang. The animation and the integration are both equally important.
Growth is the integration of what is.
Growth is not only about harvesting the fruits, it’s about ploughing the land, fertilizing the dirt, and preparing for the upcoming season…
Personal growth is the care-taking of our internal motherland….
In some years maybe the harvest is not what we expected it to be. It is not as lush, as fruitful, or as delicious.
Some years we can only use it for compost. To fertilize the new ground in front of us.
Here we go 2023.
It’s the reversed resolutions…
Life Goes On
And sometimes life goes on in a way that we could not possibly foresee.
The work pays off when we least expect it.
Miracles happen that we could not imagine in our wildest dreams.
The puzzle is completing itself. We move on.
The darkest moments turn into our pivotal turning points of growth.We know it deep down inside. We have done the work in a myriad of ways. And there she is: Life force. She was there all the way, but we could not receive her.
Alignment cracks us open. It happens. If we are ready or not. Things fall into place drastically.
We had no idea that it could be true.
What would your life look like if you’d remove the roadblocks NOW? Are you scared of the unknown? Scared of the light that is awaiting you on the other side of your fear?
Don’t be scared. Hit the road. It’s leading you home…
Approaching Life From a Yin Perspective
The yin gives up searching.
The yin is the full acceptance of the parts that still want to be transformed.
The yin is the knowing that there will always be parts that want to be transformed.The yin comforts our discomfort.
She dresses the wounds.
She flares us open and yet she heals us.
The yin tells the long-forgotten stories. The stories that are still being lived through us.
The yin helps us to remember.
She nourishes the ground for us to stand on – and to eventually move on.
Text inspired by Clarissa Pinkola Estés
Your Desire is Your Destiny or “Doing is The New Thinking”
Follow your desire. Follow your destiny. These thoughts entered my mind a couple of days ago…
Your Desire is Your Destiny.
There is a thing about “knowing what I want” that I always underestimated.
Recently I had been studying the hermetic teachings deeply – if there is such thing as studying hermetic teachings.
I did not grasp the power of “mentalism” through the lecture itself, but by connecting the dots of my own life experience.
We can read as much as we want and still be reluctant to the fundamental truths that direct our life.
So: There is a thing about “knowing what I want” – a thing I would call magic:
The secret is not knowing what I want. The secret is acting upon it. Step by step by step….
What is action? In a few words: It is guided energy.
I can know everything, still my life won’t change.
I can understand all the rules of the universe and not change a thing in my life… if I don’t make a move.
Learning more about energy, I am understanding more and more that I am the one directing my life by directing the energy that I use with every single step that I take.
I can always ask myself: What makes me take that action? Do I really want this?!
It is shocking, but I ALWAYS have a choice.
This is nothing really new…
”Your thoughts create your reality”
I’ve been working with this universal truth for quite some time. Nevertheless only now I grasp the full scope of it.
I’ve experienced it first hand by manifesting things I wanted and things I clearly did not want in my life. In any case my actions directed the energy in a certain way that manifested this reality.
“The part of you that loves you the most creates the roadblocks that you are facing to make you build something out of it,” Gabor Maté placed this beautiful reminder on my path.
This quote helped me to forgive myself for all the supposedly detours that I took. Everything we do in our lives serves us in one way or another to fulfill a certain need. When we are traumatized we might hold on to any straw, but hell yeah, we survived!
The task is to figure out what these needs truely are and respond to them in a healthy or constructive way.
I am always directing my life. I am making decisions.
Healing is one decision away and so is success.
It is not about the milestones reached.
It is not about the number of fallbacks counted.
It is about the continuous flow of energy moved in a certain direction.
I am the one who chooses to accept, to learn, to surrender to what is….
I am the one who is transforming this life…. energy from one aggregate state to another.
I am transmuting emotional conditionings.
I am releasing trauma from my system.
I am transforming energy.
What I witness is that things manifest in no time. We are enabled to take action now.
This is the new new age stuff…
The days of thinking are over.
Doing is the new thinking.
Remember to Breathe
“Change doesn’t happen overnight.”
This truth revealed itself to me several times.
Sure, I can comprehend that intellectually.
But incorporating the patience to bear that truth – that’s a different story….
I AM IMPATIENT. With myself. With the world around me. With the people who are “waking up” right now in this world. I don’t want to be impatient. I want to have compassion.
How do I want to have patience with other people if I am my hardest judge?
“You should be more confident.”
“You should be somewhere else in your life.”
Yeah, I’m claiming myself to be empathetic. But when it comes to my own development I bounce my head against the walls of my own resistance. “Resistance to what?,” you might ask… My resistance to feel what really wants to be felt in the very moment.
Writing this down raises a smile on my face. Warmth is softening my chest. “Take it easy,” an internal voice whispers into my awareness.
“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.”
Mary Anne Radmacher
Honestly, this quote moved me.
How much time do I give myself? To evolve, to learn, to remember, to integrate?
How many times do I rush into a decision?
How many times do I not listen to my exhaustion?
What this whole pandemic thing (call it whatever you please) teaches me is: PATIENCE. And I am so freakin’ grateful for this – even if it’s the hardest lesson I have yet to learn.
What I learnt over and over again from my past is that life does not follow a chronological timeline.
I can manifest. I can picture my brightest future. As soon as I take steps new challenges arise. New insecurities show up.
Surprise, surprise – the body is striking. The mind is rebelling.
And here you are: “Wait a minute? I have asked for this, why is it that hard?”
Because we grow in sections.
Friction is a companion on our journey.
Challenge will never leave us.
Challenge comes when we least expect it and, surely, when we most need it in order to make our own decisions.
They are here to test us.
When universe asks: “Are you serious?”
Do you go all in?
All in often times means not to push hard. It means to pull back. To take rest. To cry. To sleep. To recover. To re-cover what you have buried beneath new layers of life experience.
Something you considered as healed may re-inflames.
And then it is up to you to open your eyes to reality. Will you take the time to heal? Or will you distract yourself again and not move on?
The best advice I can give myself these days (as a fire sign) is: SLOW THE F*ck DOWN. Do you. Keep clear. Don’t overdo. Move along, but do it in your own pace (or slightly slower.)
Is there something you have overlooked in your enthusiasm?
Is your body asking for something else than your busy mind does deliver?
Is there anything at all that needs to be done right now?
Do you remember to breathe?
Breeeeeaaaathe through discomfort.
Move through hardships with grace.
Accept the challenge.