Quench the thirst.
Extract the essence.
Say YES to your unfulfillment.
OPEN yourself up.
Do you live your life? Or do you focus on the outcome?
The story of your life is not achievement.
It is not only adventure.
Your story is failure. It is pain. It is taking the wrong path. It is detours. It is twists and turns.
Companionship in one chapter.
Loneliness in the other.
Your story is bravery. It is torture. It is joy.
It is every choice you make.
Your story is unfolding every step of the way.
Only in the aftermath you do understand a part of its meaning.
If you focus on the goal. If you are only attached to the outcome, you will miss the whole point.
Life is in the moments….. The heavy and the light.
Life’s unfolding in ALL moments; in the dark AND in the bright….
All of it makes your story.
And this story is of significance.
You are not here to tell or to judge.
Your story is life itself. It’s us.
Do you take pride in your unworthiness? What would happen if you’d give it up? What would happen to your life if you’d take pride in your story?
I’m standing on Donnersbergerbrücke.
It’s the evening haze of a regular weekday in Munich and it dawns on me that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be.
I am not rushing to catch the bus I’m supposed to take.
The sun is painting its last colors on the sky.
I don’t remember the last time I was standing on this bridge.
But what I know is: It is not the same person standing here.
I have changed.
Something inside of me has changed fundamentally.
I felt strangely at home.
At this moment I realize that my shadow is comforting me.
It is my home.
“Just come as you are,” they say.
Okay, here I am.
All of a sudden it is there.
I take pride in my path.
I own my story.
A rush of gratitude fills my eyes….
I grew from the inside and for the first time I really feel that.
I evolved – FROM the inside.
I have done the work. And now I am standing here.
“What’s next?,” my busy mind wants to ask.
Again, I gaze towards the setting sun….
“What if instead of moving forward, i’d move backwards?,” my busy mind itself countered with an open question.
I can’t sow endless seeds.
Now is the moment that I finally understand that rest is AS important as progress.
Digesting what is instead of preparing a new meal.
Clearing the debris instead of building anew.
Integrating what happened instead of initiating something else.
I can’t sow endless seeds, no, but I can praise the garden that is growing inside of me, in front of me, around me…
I don’t know how I could not get it earlier, but it does not matter.
On a random day, in stillness, I recovered the beauty of my life.
For too long I witnessed it within myself and in others…
We are pushing so hard to move forward. We are aiming for one dimensional progress. The thing is that progress is not one dimensional.
It’s round and whole.
It’s the yin and the yang. The animation and the integration are both equally important.
Growth is the integration of what is.
Growth is not only about harvesting the fruits, it’s about ploughing the land, fertilizing the dirt, and preparing for the upcoming season…
Personal growth is the care-taking of our internal motherland….
In some years maybe the harvest is not what we expected it to be. It is not as lush, as fruitful, or as delicious.
Some years we can only use it for compost. To fertilize the new ground in front of us.
Here we go 2023.
It’s the reversed resolutions…
When every day is groundbreaking, what’s next?
What risk are you ready to take?
Which barriers are you willing to break?
And sometimes life goes on in a way that we could not possibly foresee.
The work pays off when we least expect it.
Miracles happen that we could not imagine in our wildest dreams.
The puzzle is completing itself. We move on.
The darkest moments turn into our pivotal turning points of growth.
We know it deep down inside. We have done the work in a myriad of ways. And there she is: Life force. She was there all the way, but we could not receive her.
Alignment cracks us open. It happens. If we are ready or not. Things fall into place drastically.
We had no idea that it could be true.
What would your life look like if you’d remove the roadblocks NOW? Are you scared of the unknown? Scared of the light that is awaiting you on the other side of your fear?
Don’t be scared. Hit the road. It’s leading you home…
There is a subtle realization triggering my mind. It is around accepting mistakes.
What happens if you catch yourself making or having made a mistake? Are you committed to camouflage it? Do you stick to an old story of ‘being a failure’? Or are you willing to learn? Are you open to receive the lesson that is being placed in your way?
This is so sensitive, so subtle.
There is a thing about admitting mistakes… They can drag you down. Or they can lift you up.
The thing about that, and that is a hypothesis, is: Our reactions to perceived failure are conditioned.
What’s the cure for that? It just dawns on me now. It is my own recipe for (self-)reinvention that I discovered during a deep personal crisis: Do it differently! Go the other way – wherever that is…
Well, to be accurate here: The first step is to become aware of the automatic pattern. To shine the light on the reaction to ‘mistaking’.
What’s the first thought when you understand that you made a mistake? Do you feel ashamed? Do you blame yourself? Is there even shock? Paralysis? There might be a trauma present.
Or are you owning it? Are you ready to move on and learn from it? If so, great, go on.
If you are struck by self-doubt and resentment. I got you covered:
In this case a question to ask could be: “When in my life did I first feel that ashamed/afraid/worried?” “What made me feel that way and is that thing present in my life right now?”
Another question could be: ”In which way does it serve me to feel or think that way? Does it serve me at all to feel or think that way?”
If you reach a point where you are able to ask these or similar questions: Congratulations! In my experience awareness is the first step to change. It is already “the change”. Actions will follow.
A full-on awareness of a “self-alienating” pattern will leave traces in your way of thinking. It will leave a strange taste. The knowing that “there must be a better way” – a way that is more aligned with who you are – sneaks into consciousness.
And this is the starting point of a new you (and me).
It is uncomfortable.
Resentment comes up. Sadness about the harshness of your inner judge. Grief about the energy that you have wasted. And that is totally fine. More than that: It is part of the process of befriending your mistakes and transforming your life.
The yin gives up searching.
The yin is the full acceptance of the parts that still want to be transformed.
The yin is the knowing that there will always be parts that want to be transformed.
The yin comforts our discomfort.
She dresses the wounds.
She flares us open and yet she heals us.
The yin tells the long-forgotten stories. The stories that are still being lived through us.
The yin helps us to remember.
She nourishes the ground for us to stand on – and to eventually move on.
Text inspired by Clarissa Pinkola Estés
Oftentimes we are so absorbed in our own story.
We claim our suffering to be so unique to us.
It’s historical suffering.
“First you have to understand that your are dreaming all the time,” I don’t remember the full quote of Don Miguel Ruiz, author of “The Four Agreements”.
But this snippet of wisdom captures it so well.
What we think is reality, is a creation of our thougths. Fully.
When you think about your past and your future? What are you thinking about?
You are thinking thoughts that are conditioned by your upbringing, by the media, by the story you have been told about what is possible and what is not possible…
You are retelling yourself the same story over and over again until you belief that this is reality.
If you’d drop these thougths, what would be possible?
Oh my god, there is soooooo much revelation taking place right now.
I know that you are experiencing the similar.
It is the removal of the roadblocks.
For some of us it is a painful removal. Like a surgical intervention.
For some it is smooth – the most natural process. Like the opening of a flower.
One has to deal with freedom. It can be painful to let go of the patterns.
Painful to understand that all the turmoil was created in your head in the fist place.
The anger and frustration is what comes up. But then there is the relief. Laughter. The dance of joy!
You freakin’ did it!!!
And yes, it was that simple.
Nevertheless there is no reason to shame yourself.
You had to live through it all in order to become aware of the lessons.
What is happeing to me?
I’m becoming aware of the lightness I am built of.
All density is created.
All trauma is imposed – partly self-imposed.
I am able to forgive myself and everyone around me.
Because we are all the result of our circumstances. And we are all lovable with everything we are.
There is no one to blame.
So I take action whole-heartedly.
I stand up. I stand in my power for once and for all. With you.