Let it be Hard

“I want it to be easy!” – I’m punching my pillow.

“Let it be hard!” – An internal voice releases my vigor.

Recently I’ve made some tough decisions. And for a moment I fell for the panic, the doubt and the despair…

Until I remembered:

In order to live an exceptional life we get to make exceptional decisions. Decisions no one has ever made before, because no one has ever walked in our shoes…

Decisions that move our life path away from the “crowd”.

It is tough. It brings up fears of rejection, of loss or of poverty.

But you know what?

It’s part of the game!

This is what unleashes the wild self within!

This is what strengthens our resolve!

I want to encourage you:

DO the step you are so scared of but you kept pondering for years.

MOVE where destiny is calling you.

YOU know it. No one else.

No fortune teller can tell you what to do.

Only you are in charge.

And this is not a top-to-bottom advice of some sort.

I encourage myself too with a livin’ prayer. 😉

It’s easy to talk about it.

It is freakin’ hard to WALK it!!

The path no one has walked before.

Your path.

It’s easy to learn a lot of things but actually putting them into action: this is the hard part! Yes. It is hard and it is beautiful.

It’s, without a doubt, the most satisfying thing in the world.

 

Reversed Resolutions

I’m standing on Donnersbergerbrücke.

It’s the evening haze of a regular weekday in Munich and it dawns on me that I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be.

I am not rushing to catch the bus I’m supposed to take.

The sun is painting its last colors on the sky.

I don’t remember the last time I was standing on this bridge.

But what I know is: It is not the same person standing here.

I have changed.
Something inside of me has changed fundamentally.

I felt strangely at home.

At this moment I realize that my shadow is comforting me.

It is my home.

“Just come as you are,” they say.

Okay, here I am.

All of a sudden it is there.
I under-stand.
I take pride in my path.
I own my story.

A rush of gratitude fills my eyes….

I grew from the inside and for the first time I really feel that.

I evolved – FROM the inside.

I have done the work. And now I am standing here.

“What’s next?,” my busy mind wants to ask.

Again, I gaze towards the setting sun….

“What if instead of moving forward, i’d move backwards?,” my busy mind itself countered with an open question.

I can’t sow endless seeds.

Now is the moment that I finally understand that rest is AS important as progress.

Digesting what is instead of preparing a new meal.
Clearing the debris instead of building anew.
Integrating what happened instead of initiating something else.

I can’t sow endless seeds, no, but I can praise the garden that is growing inside of me, in front of me, around me…

I don’t know how I could not get it earlier, but it does not matter.

On a random day, in stillness, I recovered the beauty of my life.

For too long I witnessed it within myself and in others…

We are pushing so hard to move forward. We are aiming for one dimensional progress. The thing is that progress is not one dimensional.

It’s expansive.
It’s round and whole.
It’s the yin and the yang. The animation and the integration are both equally important.

Growth is the integration of what is.
Growth is not only about harvesting the fruits, it’s about ploughing the land, fertilizing the dirt, and preparing for the upcoming season…

Personal growth is the care-taking of our internal motherland….

In some years maybe the harvest is not what we expected it to be. It is not as lush, as fruitful, or as delicious.

Some years we can only use it for compost. To fertilize the new ground in front of us.

Here we go 2023.

It’s the reversed resolutions…

 

Grinding Through Transformation

What the hell. THAT’S the time we have been anticipating. Change is here. Right at our fingertips.

It is UP TO US to make the most of it. 

Since the beginning of the year there is a post on “reversed resolutions” that I am wanting to share, but I am never quite there. Haha. It’s coming! I promise. 

SO. What IS happening right now? 

Honestly, these times are such an up and down!  I feel like I am swirling through the energies.

One moment I am boldly visualizing the future of humanity. The next moment I am cocooned in my old belief patterns – desperately trying to get rid of them…

This morning I understood something. And this is what makes me ‘hammer’ the keyboard now and again…

‘Do the things you want to do. You will automatically GET BETTER at whatever you are doing.’

And there is more to that: We learn from everything. Every experience. Every “mis-aligned” choice. Every shitty job. Every “bad boss” or bossy girlfriend (I have no idea who needs to hear this, but who am I to decide;)

We learn. We progress – from one point to another. (I am consciously choosing this definition of progress. Progress is NOT A STRAIGHT LINE. And I believe that this is even more crucial to understand than ever before – at least since I was born).

We always progress. We always transfrom. 

What makes this so significant? Sometimes I become soooooo impatient – with myself, my writing, the world – even with my friends.

There. Must. Be. Something. Moving. OMG. Hahahaha. I was soooo obsessed with continuous progress that I forgot to ARRIVE….

The difference from five years ago is: By now I know what to do when I am in a state of black and white thinking or plain ‘denial’…. I go for a walk, I dance or I roll out the yoga matt and MOVE – as simple as that….

Yesterday was one of those moments.

Self-doubt caused a nagging pain in my abdominals.

My thoughts were literally choking me. 

I WALKED. I walked fast across the park nearby. 

All of a sudden there was this tiny voice or should I say sensation in my chest area.

It said: “You are not alone.” (‘aaahaa….’ I sighed.) 

Silently I shouted to the sky: “LORD GIVE ME A SIGN”

When I turned my gaze I saw two rabbits about three meters away from me jumping happily into the sunset…. 

In awe and completely motionless I could feel my heart filling up with gratitude.

There was lightness – a deep knowing that the path is always there. I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS. 

What do I want to say with this post? KEEP trusting. Keep grinding through transformation. We are in this together and there is always light to be discovered.

 

Self-Honourship 2023

Recently I understood how “optimizing” my life had become an obsession.

“I have to work through this.” “I got to master that.” “I got to become stronger, more confident, a better communicator and so on…”

I did become more confident. I did grow. For sure I made progress.

But at what cost?

I just came back from a short but intense retreat with my community of Becoach Academy.

“This time we want to invite you to a more holistic approach,” Isil, one of our coaching trainers, welcomed us.

What that meant was that we collectively worked through our topics of 2022. We contemplated what came to fruition and what we let go of.

We visualized what we want to take with us into 2023.

We let intuition and body intelligence guide us through dance and the elements…

The result was a very emotional, honest – I want to say “raw” – exchange. It was heart-opening for all of us.

It was beautiful. During the whole process I understood that I don’t have to have New Year’s Resolutions in order to have an “intentional” 2023.

Layer after layer I could feel pressure dropping off my shoulders.

“You are an inspiration,” some of my fellow retreaters proclaimed.

I did not feel like it. I felt raw and vulnerable.

Yes, I was authentic.

More than ever before I came to the realization that I don’t have to become someone. All I need is to be MYSELF in order to inspire others.

All of the years I tried to prove myself. Mostly, myself was my harshest critic: “You got to be more professional.” “You are too emotional.” “You should be somewhere else in your life.”

During my coach training the feedback was relentless.

Relentless in the sense of facing myself in a SAVE environment over and over and over again.

And what I received was not harsh feedback, it was confirmation. The confirmation that I am OKAY. The confirmation that it is all a process. The confirmation that it is totally fine to NOT be okay.

In our society (or let’s narrow it down to the “self-optimization”- bubble) we are obsessed with improvement….

This brought me literally to my knees.

How? I forgot to walk. I was projecting a version of myself to the future that I could not possibly meet in a lifetime. Why? Because I AM HERE.

My path is right in front of me….. I just have to make one step after another. And I have absolutely NO CLUE where it is going to lead me.

And that’s the beauty of it. That’s the uniqueness. This is how I bring novelty to this world. By being me – walking on my own path.

This morning I did not follow a routine. I did some stretching. Made a cup of tea. Watched the squirrels playing around the oak tree in front of the kitchen window.

I am not where I thought I would be at the beginning of 2023.

I told my boyfriend: “You know, I had so many resolutions about my morning routine”.

With a warm smile he responded: “What about listening to what you need this morning?”

I went for a 45 minute walk in the morning sun.

Since years I have been trying to develop a morning routine. It never really crossed my mind that it is supposed to serve ME and not the image that I have of me.

I believe the “best” routine in the world can be detrimental if it undermines our needs in this very moment.

Here we go 2023 – more flexible than ever with a warm smile of compassion towards myself AND my inner critic.

Everything is okay.

 

Embrace The 3D

Embody it.
In order to move beyond the manifestation you got to embrace it. Dive into the complexity of surrender by being it. Flow with grace into consciousness. Don’t try to manipulate by closing yourself off from the force of life.

 

The Subtle Surrender

The power of deconditioning lies in my physical body.
My fabric releases the blockages that are separating my being from aliveness.

All of sudden it is there – without me doing anything about it.

My body is the vehicle for my self-actualization.
It inherits all the knowledge and all the power to transform.
I am able to transform physical matter and this way I am also transforming my mind.

There is the subtle surrender.
The magic’s unfolding.
The clarification takes place.

It all is the divine – the light and the dark.
Everything else is separation.
There is no good and no bad.
All is love.

There is liberation to be found in the tiniest moments as soon as we accept what there is.
If we receive with no expectation, then is the moment we expand our consciousness and we heal the whole earth.

This is an appeal: Can we love and unite without prejudice?

Can we replace judgment with love?

When will we understand that love is not a feeling?
It is an eternal force that is part of our DNA.
It is a prerequisite for evolution.
The opening of our hearts is our chance for union. If we drop our armour, peace takes place.

What’s necessary?
It will be necessary to grief – in communion.
It will be necessary to feel it all to the end.

We can’t deny what belongs to us anyways!
We can’t deny what we have done to ourselves and to our earth and that’s okay.
That’s the plan – our destiny.

Ease into your pain.
Hold yourself tightly.
Be okay with not being okay.
This too shall pass.
You are the divine incarnated with all there is.

I love you.

Random human being