Writing Experiment

by Uli on Transformation Inventory

The Freedom of no Addiction

This is a thought experiment.

Imagine you are free of any addiction.

If there is no addiction there is total freedom.

If there is no addiction there is choice.

There is the choice to direct energy deliberately and not by force.
This is the liberation of life force. The original force that moves us through our lives.

I personally have been struggling with addiction all of my life. Mainly it was the addiction to distraction that led me into toxic behavioural patterns.

Today I stop this.
Today I choose ultimate liberation.
I vow to support my higher self:

I choose creativity over distraction.
I choose focus over diversion.
I choose wellbeing over intoxication.

Uuhh, that hurts. Yes, it hurts. Once and far all – and then there is the feeling of release.

If I am not jumping from one task to the other. Where am I going? I remain with myself. Centered within my own being.

If toxins don’t inhabit my body, where is the energy distributed? Yes, equally amongst my cells.

If I move my body, if I clear tension from my muscles all of a sudden there is lightness in my whole being.

Joy instead of repression becomes my driving force.

Life takes over and I roll with it.

 
by Uli on Rough Diamonds

Meet Yourself in Love

Can you turn towards yourself?
Can you melt your rigidity?
Can you live solidly and yet respond to life vividly?

I’m asking you whole-heartedly: Can you meet yourself fully in love?

Go on human. Embrace the supposedly opposites.
Respond. Cooperate. Unite with the counterforces.

 
by Uli on Rough Diamonds

Blank Slate

I’m diving deep and yet I’m scratching the surface.
I’m travelling far and yet I’m going nowhere at all.
I’m letting go and yet I’m receiving more than I can take in.
I’m here and yet I’m eternal.

 
by Uli on Rough Diamonds

Seek And Find

To appreciate silence one has to know noise.
To find order one has to accept the chaos.
To enter the light one has to befriend darkness.
To know freedom one has to acknowledge restriction.

The one who knows the dark will embody the light.
The one who fathoms confusion will encounter clarity.
The one who lives up to their limitations will grow beyond them.

 
by Uli on Transformation Inventory

Hello, Darkness

Yes, I do struggle.
Yes, I don’t know.

And yes, here it is again: “Hello darkness my old friend”* – and the blank page, my salvation… 

I recently finished a ten-day Vipassana course and I have to say that it shattered something inside of me to an immeasurable degree. It shook me and my, still so precious, existence. It shifted my perspective on basically everything I have ever done in a subtle and at the same time fundamental way I had never experienced before. 

Don’t get me wrong: I know that everything I have ever done is perfect. My past is perfect. My future is perfect. And the presence is what I still long for. And probably this is what made me sign up for the Vipassana course.

In a brief conversation I had today, this person said: “We always have expectations. Otherwise we wouldn’t do a thing.” This was very interesting for me to hear. And it reminded me of how I am creating black and white stories around what “proper” detachment should look like….

It’s OKAY to have expecations. All is okay…. Anyway, later on you will eventually get the point (maybe, maybe not;).

Sooo. What did change through Vipassana? I realized how much I was (and still am!) searching for ‘something’ outside of myself. Yes, I investigate, I reflect.

Life forced me inward several times in my life. To be much more accurate MY PAIN forced me inward, because when the pain became unbearable I had to find resources inside – just to find out that THEY ARE THERE! There ARE resources!!

I internalized, but most of the time I analyzed:

And that is the point. At the end of the day I was always looking for an abstract answer. I was, unwillingly, looking for “an easy to digest” answer – an answer that is still, more or less, acceptable by my upbringing or by my conditioning, my inner voices and internal judges…

It sounds kinda cool to move through the dark night of the soul. It sounds impressive to move kundalini energy. It sounds amazing to “walk the camino”. Nothing more and nothing less. 

I confess: I like “the sounds of it”… Transformation. Healing. Yoga and so on.

So. What Vipassana did was that it stripped allll these cozy wordings, definitions, explanations, RITUALS and STORIES off me…. 

I could finally breathe again. 

Vipassana does not serve the answer on a golden platter. It does not give constructive feedback or valuable advice. 

‘Gotama showed the path…,’ they say. Yes. Figuratively. “The path” is nothing conceptual. It is nothing logical. It is nothing to map out or to comprehend. It is nothing to understand or to study. It can only – and ONLY be walked. One-step-at-a-time. One sensation after another after another after another….

To be fair: There is no freakin’ path (no offence). There is only life itself. And when I say life I don’t mean “this one life”…. Not at all. There is life vibrating through our cells. There is life sprouting from our veins.

There is no such thing as “the core of our being”. There is only being. 

It’s the conceptualization, the intellectualization that is keeping me trapped within my own mind. 

Vipassana forced me to open the gate. Or did it rip apart the fence? I don’t know and it honestly does not matter.

Vipassana let life within me run free. And this left traces in my consciousness.

There is some novelty, a new realization awakening within myself…

The purges have been purged. And now life is urging to move me the way I’m supposed to move…. And now writing this down here I can feel the ‘intellect’ creeping in asking: “What are you talking about?” 

To use the words of Satya Narayan Goenka, one of the leading teachers of the method of Vipassana: “There is only flux and flow.” 

Nothing to suppose. Only to surrender.

And today I do surrender to darkness, because darkness knows more than me. It grounds me. It helps me grow if I let it….

* Simon & Garfunkel, 1964 😉