What the hell. THAT’S the time we have been anticipating. Change is here. Right at our fingertips.
It is UP TO US to make the most of it.
Since the beginning of the year there is a post on “reversed resolutions” that I am wanting to share, but I am never quite there. Haha. It’s coming! I promise.
SO. What IS happening right now?
Honestly, these times are such an up and down! I feel like I am swirling through the energies.
One moment I am boldly visualizing the future of humanity. The next moment I am cocooned in my old belief patterns – desperately trying to get rid of them…
This morning I understood something. And this is what makes me ‘hammer’ the keyboard now and again…
‘Do the things you want to do. You will automatically GET BETTER at whatever you are doing.’
And there is more to that: We learn from everything. Every experience. Every “mis-aligned” choice. Every shitty job. Every “bad boss” or bossy girlfriend (I have no idea who needs to hear this, but who am I to decide;)
We learn. We progress – from one point to another. (I am consciously choosing this definition of progress. Progress is NOT A STRAIGHT LINE. And I believe that this is even more crucial to understand than ever before – at least since I was born).
We always progress. We always transfrom.
What makes this so significant? Sometimes I become soooooo impatient – with myself, my writing, the world – even with my friends.
There. Must. Be. Something. Moving. OMG. Hahahaha. I was soooo obsessed with continuous progress that I forgot to ARRIVE….
The difference from five years ago is: By now I know what to do when I am in a state of black and white thinking or plain ‘denial’…. I go for a walk, I dance or I roll out the yoga matt and MOVE – as simple as that….
Yesterday was one of those moments.
Self-doubt caused a nagging pain in my abdominals.
My thoughts were literally choking me.
I WALKED. I walked fast across the park nearby.
All of a sudden there was this tiny voice or should I say sensation in my chest area.
It said: “You are not alone.” (‘aaahaa….’ I sighed.)
Silently I shouted to the sky: “LORD GIVE ME A SIGN”
When I turned my gaze I saw two rabbits about three meters away from me jumping happily into the sunset….
In awe and completely motionless I could feel my heart filling up with gratitude.
There was lightness – a deep knowing that the path is always there. I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS.
What do I want to say with this post? KEEP trusting. Keep grinding through transformation. We are in this together and there is always light to be discovered.
“This time we want to invite you to a more holistic approach,” Isil, one of our coaching trainers, welcomed us.
What that meant was that we collectively worked through our topics of 2022. We contemplated what came to fruition and what we let go of.
We visualized what we want to take with us into 2023.
We let intuition and body intelligence guide us through dance and the elements…
The result was a very emotional, honest – I want to say “raw” – exchange. It was heart-opening for all of us.
It was beautiful. During the whole process I understood that I don’t have to have New Year’s Resolutions in order to have an “intentional” 2023.
Layer after layer I could feel pressure dropping off my shoulders.
“You are an inspiration,” some of my fellow retreaters proclaimed.
I did not feel like it. I felt raw and vulnerable.
Yes, I was authentic.
More than ever before I came to the realization that I don’t have to become someone. All I need is to be MYSELF in order to inspire others.
All of the years I tried to prove myself. Mostly, myself was my harshest critic: “You got to be more professional.” “You are too emotional.” “You should be somewhere else in your life.”
During my coach training the feedback was relentless.
Relentless in the sense of facing myself in a SAVE environment over and over and over again.
And what I received was not harsh feedback, it was confirmation. The confirmation that I am OKAY. The confirmation that it is all a process. The confirmation that it is totally fine to NOT be okay.
In our society (or let’s narrow it down to the “self-optimization”- bubble) we are obsessed with improvement….
This brought me literally to my knees.
How? I forgot to walk. I was projecting a version of myself to the future that I could not possibly meet in a lifetime. Why? Because I AM HERE.
My path is right in front of me….. I just have to make one step after another. And I have absolutely NO CLUE where it is going to lead me.
And that’s the beauty of it. That’s the uniqueness. This is how I bring novelty to this world. By being me – walking on my own path.
…
This morning I did not follow a routine. I did some stretching. Made a cup of tea. Watched the squirrels playing around the oak tree in front of the kitchen window.
I am not where I thought I would be at the beginning of 2023.
I told my boyfriend: “You know, I had so many resolutions about my morning routine”.
With a warm smile he responded: “What about listening to what you need this morning?”
I went for a 45 minute walk in the morning sun.
Since years I have been trying to develop a morning routine. It never really crossed my mind that it is supposed to serve ME and not the image that I have of me.
I believe the “best” routine in the world can be detrimental if it undermines our needs in this very moment.
Here we go 2023 – more flexible than ever with a warm smile of compassion towards myself AND my inner critic.
Embody it. In order to move beyond the manifestation you got to embrace it. Dive into the complexity of surrender by being it. Flow with grace into consciousness. Don’t try to manipulate by closing yourself off from the force of life.
The power of deconditioning lies in my physical body. My fabric releases the blockages that are separating my being from aliveness.
All of sudden it is there – without me doing anything about it.
My body is the vehicle for my self-actualization. It inherits all the knowledge and all the power to transform. I am able to transform physical matter and this way I am also transforming my mind.
There is the subtle surrender. The magic’s unfolding. The clarification takes place.
It all is the divine – the light and the dark. Everything else is separation. There is no good and no bad. All is love.
There is liberation to be found in the tiniest moments as soon as we accept what there is. If we receive with no expectation, then is the moment we expand our consciousness and we heal the whole earth.
This is an appeal: Can we love and unite without prejudice?
Can we replace judgment with love?
When will we understand that love is not a feeling? It is an eternal force that is part of our DNA. It is a prerequisite for evolution. The opening of our hearts is our chance for union. If we drop our armour, peace takes place.
What’s necessary? It will be necessary to grief – in communion. It will be necessary to feel it all to the end.
We can’t deny what belongs to us anyways! We can’t deny what we have done to ourselves and to our earth and that’s okay. That’s the plan – our destiny.
Ease into your pain. Hold yourself tightly. Be okay with not being okay. This too shall pass. You are the divine incarnated with all there is.
And sometimes life goes on in a way that we could not possibly foresee. The work pays off when we least expect it. Miracles happen that we could not imagine in our wildest dreams. The puzzle is completing itself. We move on. The darkest moments turn into our pivotal turning points of growth.
We know it deep down inside. We have done the work in a myriad of ways. And there she is: Life force. She was there all the way, but we could not receive her.
Alignment cracks us open. It happens. If we are ready or not. Things fall into place drastically.
We had no idea that it could be true.
What would your life look like if you’d remove the roadblocks NOW? Are you scared of the unknown? Scared of the light that is awaiting you on the other side of your fear?
Don’t be scared. Hit the road. It’s leading you home…
Omg, this is a topic that triggers me a lot. Probably because I am not “there”:
Living your values is not synonymous to living authentically.
The values that you define are not necessarily equal to what is important to you “from the authentic core of your being”.
What does that mean?
You can live your values and still be fucking miserable if you are disregarding your needs. I’ve been there. I was living my values – seeking adventure and freedom.
I did not realize that there was something else. There was a part of myself I did completely disregard – a part of me that was looking for something completely else.
In the first place this part of myself was looking to be recognized and by recognized I mean “being felt”.
Living authentically means feeling your feelings. Feeling yourself where you are at in this very moment. And this is way more complex than it sounds. When I first found out that I have no idea what I am feeling, I was shocked.
Living authentically means going to bed, when you are tired. Rest, when you are exhausted (and not go out and live your values!). Quit, when you have enough of whatever you are doing. Your body is here to let you know.
Of course, this is simplified.
Living authentically means FACING the challenges that are right in front of you right now.
Yes, getting to know your values can be groundbreaking, mind-shattering, soul-shaking. Gosh, it can raise your awareness, higher your vibration to a new level.
It does – and then the work starts.
The moment when you become aware of the things that truly matter to you deep down within is the moment when the work starts.
The elicitation of values is not cherry picking, it is an HONEST investigation – a lengthy, ever-evolving process of self-discovery.
Oftentimes we are so absorbed in our own story. We claim our suffering to be so unique to us.
It’s not.
It’s historical suffering.
“First you have to understand that your are dreaming all the time,” I don’t remember the full quote of Don Miguel Ruiz, author of “The Four Agreements”.
But this snippet of wisdom captures it so well.
What we think is reality, is a creation of our thougths. Fully.
When you think about your past and your future? What are you thinking about?
You are thinking thoughts that are conditioned by your upbringing, by the media, by the story you have been told about what is possible and what is not possible…
You are retelling yourself the same story over and over again until you belief that this is reality.
If you’d drop these thougths, what would be possible?
Oh my god, there is soooooo much revelation taking place right now.
I know that you are experiencing the similar.
It is the removal of the roadblocks.
For some of us it is a painful removal. Like a surgical intervention.
For some it is smooth – the most natural process. Like the opening of a flower.
One has to deal with freedom. It can be painful to let go of the patterns.
Painful to understand that all the turmoil was created in your head in the fist place.
The anger and frustration is what comes up. But then there is the relief. Laughter. The dance of joy!
You freakin’ did it!!!
And yes, it was that simple.
Nevertheless there is no reason to shame yourself.
You had to live through it all in order to become aware of the lessons.
What is happeing to me?
I’m becoming aware of the lightness I am built of. All density is created. All trauma is imposed – partly self-imposed.
I am able to forgive myself and everyone around me. Because we are all the result of our circumstances. And we are all lovable with everything we are.
There is no one to blame. So I take action whole-heartedly.
I stand up. I stand in my power for once and for all. With you.
“What’s harder? Accepting that you are happy and blessed or resonating with your trauma?”
This is a question that found its way into my notes at some point in 2021.
All of a sudden there was light at the end of the tunnel – after a dark period of loss and despair (Let’s call it “the year 2020”). I had a new job in sight and a relationship I was in (and still am) turned out to be a safe haven for…my chaos, my love and my growth….
Unwittingly I had arrived in a place where I am ‘allowed’ to flourish – in all shapes and colors.
“Yesterday it rained and today the sun is shining. One has to deal with that.”
The quote describes accurately the situation that I had found myself in last year. Even though things got significantly better, the self-doubt was lurking and fight-flight-freeze often the only response to stressful experiences.
“Yesterday it rained and today the sun is shining. One has to deal with that.”
The thing is: We humans tend to resonate with trauma and with worry more than we resonate with happiness.
It is incredibly hard to resonate with happiness if we have re-created and cultivated trauma-responses in our lives early on.
For example: If we are programmed to disregard our own needs or goals in order to protect or impress a parent and/or to harmonize the relationship dynamics within our family, most likely we will carry out self-destructive behaviours in our adult life. We might neglect our personal goals or our health.
Until we learn to prioritize ourselves…
How Far Did I Get With Displaying The Same Behaviours?
We all have developed mechanisms that help us to be accepted within our tribe, but there is a possibility that we have buried parts of ourselves and a whole lot of potential beyond these survival tactics.
There are Psychologists like Gabor Maté or Neuroscientist Bessel van der Kolk who devoted their work to understanding the dynamics of trauma. And how we can train our brains to move “through” the trauma.
I’m taking a short-cut here: What trauma research has shown is that trauma affects our brain physically and as a result it changes our behaviour.
The great thing about that: We are able to transform our coping-mechanisms to some degree – thanks to neuroplasticity.
And I experienced it first hand – basically by starting this blog (which still astonishes me!!!).
At some point I asked myself:
How far did I get with displaying the same behaviours over and over again?
Not that far – so why not try something else? The opposite, for example!
And this brings me to the first insight that helped me to change my relationship with self-sabotage:
1. Belief What Other People Are Telling You About Yourself
About two years ago I was in a state where I had no choice anymore. I had to ask for help.
The global crisis was incredibly aligned with my personal crisis: I reached rock bottom when the pandemic forced me to “go home”. Apart from travel life my whole idea about romantic love got smashed and my mom got cancer. I had no idea what to do next.
I knew one thing: I couldn’t trust myself, because I had been misleading myself very far off from my core… I did not know where I begin and where I end – boundaries still appeared to be a foreign concept to me.
How did this happen? Apparently I was constantly re-traumatizing myself! The more I learnt about trauma-responses, the subconscious and the biochemical processes in my body, the more I understood in which way I had created my own reality:
How do we create reality? We filter, segment and value the information that we receive – partly subconsciously.
I thought negatively about myself, because I never really learnt to prioritize my own needs. I always functioned as some sort of “emotional buffer”. Within my family and in friendships often times I found myself in the role of a rescuer – or mediator (best case scenario).
So, what did this do to my thinking? I filtered mainly the negative information out of every situation and every conversation that proved my self-image to be right. Subconsciously I programmed myself into thinking: “I am not worthy.”
This way my lack of self-confidence became a self-fulfilling prophecy… UNTIL: I had to ask for help, because I felt mentally and physically unprepared to deal with the changes that presented themselves in my life.
Slowly I opened up to coaches and therapists. I talked to my friends and other people who helped me to recover my own resources:
my determination towards growth
my willingnesss to learn
my resilience
my “spiritual tools” like yoga and meditation
my love for nature
and last but not least: My ability to relate to others and my compassion for all beings (connection to the planet).
Finally I experienced a sense of self-worth.
It dawned on me: What if I trusted? What if I’d believe in the positive things people are seeing in me or telling me about myself? (Much, much earlier in my journey I had started to cultivate a diary of compliments, which helped me to collect positive things about myself. Maybe I should start this again.)
2. Make a Different Choice – NOW
I had nothing to lose.
Looking back this sensation gave me a never felt freedom amidst a personal crisis. A freedom that gave me an opportunity to choose a different direction and at the end a whole other way of being!
Today, I made the choice:
“I’m going to press the publishing button – no matter what.”
This is what I owe myself – a commitment to my own writing journey, my own growth (even if it hurts).
And this is also what I did in the darkest moments of my life: I made the choice to think positive. To trust into the universe.
Sometimes we need to make a different choice – just for the sake of it!
Just for the sake of “trying something new”. As simple as that.
In my experience this is the way to go in order to live a different life.
Sometimes any action is better than no action – in order to get out of deep discomfort, the writer’s-block or in order to change anything in life…
It can be the tiniest step, but it will be a step in a new direction – towards a new life!
3. Appreciate Your Gifts
Retrospectively my willingness to open up to possibility led me onto the path of becoming a professional coach! (I will share more about that “right on time”.;) How? I had asked for feedback. I received feedback that helped me to start valueing my abilities. And now I am starting to implement the changes into my life.
All of a sudden my brain created the following questions: What if I had something to share? What if other people could benefit from my life experience? What if I’d drop the self-sabotage-agenda?