“You don’t have time to meditate for ten minutes a day? Then do it for one hour..” This became my philosophy – at least for the past two weeks…
Two weeks ago – in a casual moment of ‘overwhelm’ – I decided to gift myself one hour of silence a day.
I’m fourteen days into the ‘do-nothing-challenge’ – it is harder than I expected (of course, haha), but more than necessary.
I have to admit – I skipped one day. On Friday last week I had some drinks with my colleagues and afterwards I went straight to bed.
But I decided to not be too hard on myself…
On many days I had problems arriving within myself.
I was so caught up in daily tasks and the high demands I still have on my personal development.
A lot of days I would sit down impatiently, waiting for the time to pass – desperately looking for connection with my true self.
I would have problems even concentrating for one minute. Instead I would ask myself if I would ever come back to myself?
Slowly a sensation inside of me awoke. I could spot my own resistance. The harder I try to focus the less I’m allowing my body and my mind to rest.
The challenge evolves – day after day…
Quickly I realized that it doesn’t make sense to make this challenge about focus or ‘achieving’ connection. It is impossible to ‘achieve’ connection – I rather ‘allow’ it. I only have to allow myself to ‘be’….
Instead of following a specific meditation technique, I’ve decided to allow myself to go wherever I want to go – at this point in time….
What can I do towards my own healing? What is my soul calling upon? What does my body need?
These are questions that come up.frequently to come – not necessarily to my mind, but to my senses..
Sometimes my body feels so tired that I have to lay down for my meditation. Sometimes I’m staring at a candle for one hour. Sometimes I’m falling asleep. Sometimes I clean myself with the violet flame. Sometimes I pray for my soul tribe. Sometimes I pray for the whole world.
Two days ago for example I was meditating with my favourite stone to help me clear my thinking: the fluorit. Also I’ve started to work with energy healing tools like the “tibetian eight”.
More and more I’m listening to the demands of my body instead of following a strict routine.
I am very flexible with the way I’m spending this hour. Sometimes I’m sitting on a pillow, on a carpet or on my yoga mat. Some days I’m laying in my bed, other days I’m laying on the ground. Last Tuesday I joined a sound bowl meditation at an urban salt cave here in Munich. The frequencies helped me to destress my nervous system…
The only conditions that I have upon this challenge is that I’m not allowed to ‘tense up’. If I catch myself clinging to worries and negative self-beliefes I’m directing my attention towards source or my sacral or solar plexus chakra. And if necessary I’m manipulating my parasympathikus by deep breathing or breathing exercises like square breathing.
Slowly I’m developing my very individual tools to arrive in the present moment. And this is kind of my first learning.
I’m not a victim of my thinking
In this hour – and possibly in every moment of my life – I can choose. I can choose if I want to consciously be aware of my reality. Or I can choose to drift away. I can choose to fall for destructive patterns over and over again or I can choose to heal. I can choose to think positive and move towards the light. I can choose expansion – or contraction. It is totally up to me.
If I don’t want to become a victim of them I HAVE to choose my thoughts. There is a sentence roaming around in my head since I’ve started this job at the reception of a very busy and – let’s call it ‘socially challenging’ hostel: “Stress you didn’t have, you didn’t have”.
I can totally choose how I react in any given situation. And by reacting I’m not only talking about physical action, but also my mental response to it. I caught myself worrying over and over again. What will the future bring? Is it a good idea to jump into a relationship with somebody I just met? Would I rather leave and travel? Is there any way to travel again? Was it a good idea to start that job?
What lies underneath this chronic worrying is joy. The joy of being alive. And this is what the ‘do-nothing-challenge’ reminds me of…
On Saturday – day ten of my challenge I had kind of a breakthrough. It was one of my ‘days of clarity’ – what I like to call them. On these days I can identify clearly how my thoughts project my version of reality on a situation or on the way I view myself… Crystal clear I can differentiate – between my perspective and what a situation looks like from a different point of view…
I had this deep sensation of ‘arrival’ within my body. It felt like I’m arriving in my lower body: My legs, my sexual organs, my hips and my lower abdominals – everything filled up with life like a sponge which was dry for a very very long time.
I am allowed to surrender
These learnings go hand in hand… I came to the conclusion that I’m the only one who is building walls with my resistance. I’m capable of holding on to energies and I’m capable of letting them go. It is within my power to do that. I can choose if I want to cling or if I want to – yeah, right – LET GO..
I am not my perfectionism
“Do I want to destroy this situation? Yes or no?” – How many times did I impose my own perfectionism on others? And how many times did I destroy a situation only by inflicting overly high expectations on myself? This is a thought that rattles me for quite a while now. I found out that my ‘perfectionism’ is part of my astrological birth chart. How do I exteriorize my perfectionism? I’m trying to be ‘the perfect human’ in any given situation and I barely allow myself mistakes. And this is what is kind of holding me back from attaining close friendships.
What do I mean by that? The measurements I’m putting on myself are threatening to others. Subconsciously friends might think I won’t accept them if they don’t meet the standards I put on myself. I had no idea how destructive my perfectionism could be.
I found out that I won’t ruin this challenge if I apply loose regulations. That’s why it is called the ‘do-nothing-challenge’. I am allowed to do nothing (once in a while;).
I can let go of heavy energies
There is this belief still dominating my mind (and also the mind of many others): The belief that empathetic people are weak.
For a couple of years now I’m studying a system called human design. So far I haven’t talked about it at all on this blog. According to this system humanity is divided into five different energy types: manifestors, generators, manifesting generators, projectors and reflectors. So far I haven’t talked about it on my blog, but most of my friends know that I’m studying those energy types quite thoroughly.
Each of them has a different way of obtaining energies and of householding with energies. I’m a projector – one of the so called ‘non-energy-types’.
I’m a person who is very open for energies of other individuals and groups. Many of the so called projectors can be considered as ’empaths’.
For a long time I thought empathetic people are a victim to negative energies. But in reality it is quite the opposite. Through my meditation challenge I’m learning that I can release all these energies. I don’t have to hold on to energies that don’t serve me…
It is quite a process that I have initiated with this challenge. I am beyond excited to continue my journey.
I will stop making empty promises in my blog posts. I will probably post some more within the next two weeks…
I love you all!