I’m desiring the non-desirable.
I’m wanting the non-wantable.
By desiring desirelessness I’m getting more trapped in the entanglements of my own mind.
By willing to un-control I’m debilitating my power.
My senses are numb and my heart is tight from all the wanting and needing.
The day-to-day struggle: ‘Am I finding release today?’ becomes the biggest burden.
Can I disrupt my will with the tools I discovered? Or will I keep winding myself in my own misery instead of welcoming the mystery of life (with open arms)?
I can control my mind, but I can’t control life. I understand this but I lack the humility to embody it. I can cope with life but I can’t rule it.
By trying to ‘understand’ it ALL I’m blocking my connection.
I still think I’m freeing myself, but I entomb myself in the depths of my skull.
Detachment is as far away as on day one.
But you know what?
I’m not going to give up. I will keep asking. I will keep suffering until I finally find rel(ease).
Yes – I’m learning to relax.
Yes, I’m finding trust and comfort within my own self.
I will love myself and everything around me in the most humble way – like a child loves her mother and a mother loves her child.
The devotion to the essence. – This is not a mission, this is my real life purpose.
I will stick to the places where the magic happens.
I will pour myself out there until there is nothing left inside of me.