All of my life I tried to avoid conflict. I’d rather shut my mouth, than having an argument.
I’ve started to learn about nonviolent communication years ago. Only recently I found out that I still had a massive misconception around this whole topic in my head.
I connoted conflict in a negative way. I thought it is a bad thing, so I avoided it – especially in intimate relationships. I thought it is bad karma, negative energy, the beginning of the end…
It is the opposite.
It sounds a bit contradictory, but conflict is positive. It is the foundation of compromise. (The diplomats of you will smile at me.)
How? Well, what happens when conflict arises? Let’s assume there are two people who don’t agree on a topic. They blame the other person for not being right. In reality these people are not able to express their needs in a way the other person understands it.
But guess what? We are all humans. So, if we express ourselves in a grounded and compassionate manner most likely the other person will comprehend our point of view.
This is all there is. This is all that needs to be resolved. If everyone would be able to articulate their needs in any given situation a conflict would be part of the solution.
There will be some amount of discomfort involved – sometimes the problem is might be very complex, but in the very end things will smoothly fall into place.