Morning Conversations

Good morning human,

who? Yes, you!

How are you today? You don’t know? You look worried. What’s up? Is the future scaring you? Don’t worry it does only look threatening from the distance. And what are you carrying on your shoulders? Oh, it’s the past. Drop it, it’s too heavy. You don’t need it as long as you stay with me.

Why don’t you leave it where it is? It will get heavier and heavier. You can’t move on like this.

Please human, why can’t you see that you have everything right here?

And why are you in such a hurry? Yeah right, slow down a bit. Take a look around. It’s nice here in the present moment. Can you see the blue of the sky? The green of the trees? This planet is here – for you too. And what are you doing? You are creating your own reality instead of appreciating this one.

The light breeze that plays in the tree tops. It is the same breeze that gives you your life energy.

I invite you to take it all in. As deep as you can. Every moment you are invited. You want to meet me more often? Don’t forget to breathe, because it is your mean of transport.

My door is always open for you. I’m here for you.The past is gone. You can remember her, she is a close friend of mine too. But we never get to meet.

And the future? Well, I’m paving your way. If you walk with me I will guide you. You want to see a map? Well, maps are something you invented. You don’t need it. All you need is to trust me.

I will hand you the right tools, I will prepare you. I will show you the direction. But only if you take the time to stay with me.

What’s up? I can see you rushing again. Only by watching you I get dizzy. You are getting lost.

Please take a moment to inhale deeply. As deeep as you can. And now again and again and again.

Here we go. Do you notice something?

Stay present, stay here.

Where are you going.

Don’t disappear.

I’m always here for you.

“The Now”

 

Writing Transformation Challenge 0.0

This is another type of challenge right here. I’m tired of all the notes in my notebook. I’m tired of scrolling through all my endless drafts. Something worthwhile needs time, yes. I got that. But by rewriting an article a hundred of rounds I might lose my original idea and in the end I risk improving for the worse.

Many times I don’t publish only because I think: “That’s not good enough.” “Somebody said this before.” “I can do better.”

Of course I can do better. But when is better good enough? A lot of times I feel like the more I’m trying to improve the more I’m destroying my own writing. I feel like I’m loosing messages that could be worthwhile for somebody.

The other day I went to a writing meetup in Munich. I always like the exchange with other writers. Only now I realize how important it is for my motivation to hear about the broad experience of all these novel authors, script writers, ‘conceptioners’ and comic scribblers.

This time I met Marie from France again and we were talking about a phenomenon: Every so often a book doesn’t get published, because the author changes his or her mind. “I heard this from many publishers.”, Marie contemplated. “You better publish quickly before you can change your mind.”, she encouraged me to silent the judge before it can execute.

The suspicion is close that I’m not brave enough. “I have the feeling you are hiding yourself.”, a couple of weeks ago a friend and potential work partner pointed out to me. And yes, it is true – I am hiding. I’m afraid to publish.

But this blog here is not about me. There are millions of people going through the same things like me – they suffer from anxiety, depression, a broken heart, insecurity, self-doubts, pms, every topic that I address … I have to stop considering my writing as ‘my baby’.

It is my baby in a way, of course. But why am I writing? I’m writing because I want to change perspectives. I change my perspective by reading books, listening to lectures and talking to people. Realistically I’m nothing more than a catalyst of what I read and what I experience in the real life.

These experiences are not unique to me. What is unique is the way everybody processes these experiences. I’m doing it in this way here. Writing is my therapy, creativity is my valve.

I most likely experience real freedom while filling an empty page with my own words. Unfortunately a state of flow is still rather an exception than a rule.

Being a writer is a gift and a curse – however I need to put myself out there in order to fulfill the purpose.

Why do I call it “Writing Transformation Challenge”? I want to develop my own writing style. But by polishing my articles to a point of unrecognizability I kill my style. With this challenge I want to see if pressure makes the diamond…

The goal is to publish a post every day the next 14 days. Day one will be tomorrow.

 

Desiring The Non-Desirable

I’m desiring the non-desirable.

I’m wanting the non-wantable.

By desiring desirelessness I’m getting more trapped in the entanglements of my own mind.

By willing to un-control I’m debilitating my power.

My senses are numb and my heart is tight from all the wanting and needing.

The day-to-day struggle: ‘Am I finding release today?’ becomes the biggest burden.

Can I disrupt my will with the tools I discovered? Or will I keep winding myself in my own misery instead of welcoming the mystery of life (with open arms)?

I can control my mind, but I can’t control life. I understand this but I lack the humility to embody it. I can cope with life but I can’t rule it.

By trying to ‘understand’ it ALL I’m blocking my connection.

I still think I’m freeing myself, but I entomb myself in the depths of my skull.

Detachment is as far away as on day one.

But you know what?

I’m not going to give up. I will keep asking. I will keep suffering until I finally find rel(ease).

Yes – I’m learning to relax.

Yes, I’m finding trust and comfort within my own self.

I will love myself and everything around me in the most humble way – like a child loves her mother and a mother loves her child.

The devotion to the essence. – This is not a mission, this is my real life purpose.

I will stick to the places where the magic happens.

I will pour myself out there until there is nothing left inside of me.